sometimes u know u want something, but do u actually want it?
sometimes u say that u dun wan sth, but how sure are u that u dont?

im just totally stressed out now over several reasons. i mean despite today being my birthday, ><, it doesn't prevent the fact that i could have such a screwed up day.

well basically it started out great. i went to sch, met at l'odge and my og celebrated my bday for me! i really thank them a lot la :D especially for all the gifts and stuff.. im sorry that i haven thanked ur personally yet cause im really not in a good mood today/night so yea. il lthank ur all tmr k? :D so yeap, today i heard e birthday song 7 times in chinese/english/cantonese. so exciting rite!

anyway side track, my physics teacher mr edwin lim reminds me of joseph chong. both physique-cally and voice and slightly in his mentality i suppose. who noes haha i have 2 years to sort of 'know him better' and mayb ill post my judgement again soon.

so yea back to it. lesson blar di dah. and then lunch went swensens. basically dats where my bad day started from la .. well its cool that i got a few ice cream though i barely took 2 scoops out of it cause it melted so fast.. but yea i got a slight headache along e way then i just lost my mood for celebrating of sorts la. >< then boyi came, he wanted to shake my hand out of goodwill to wish me happy birthday then he spilt e cup of water. guess what, the bag wif all e presents was under e table and basically most of it just poured onto it. so yea i was kinda piqued/irritated about it la but decided to let it pass cause it wasn't really his fault...

then anyway lunch was over and when we were leaving, the bag tore. everything dropped out la so i had to just hold everything till i reacher like outside ntuc where yh went to buy his stuff to put everything in my bag nicely. and well, my bag as 'big' as it seems cant really fit a lot of stuff. so yea, it was kinda weird.

anyway basically, this is e point where i turn all emo-y and stuff and shout out to e world 'life sucks' and stuff.. sigh.

several things are bugging me at e moment but im not gonna say what they are.
it's like i nvr knew how some stuff so trivial or previously unimportant could now matter so much to me. ok la i'll just talk about dance. well apparently as zhao said, those guys who got called up yesterday were e ones who were caleld to go to audition for syf. well ok im fine i didnt get called cause i noe im not dam good or sth la. but rite, the thing is that now i realize and am startin to worry, if i dun get into dance, and interact is probably down e drain, what am i gonna do? e only thing im confirm in is bridge. and e rest, have to wait and see. and judgin from it, even if i run for council, what makes me so sure that i'll get in >< so yea, im just contemplatin my future as i told bong earlier but it doesnt look good. like sigh, i seriously dun wanna relive my 4 years in RI where i pretty much just wasted it and let it pass me like nothing at all.

2007's first 18 days have totally been full of up's and down's for me. and it doesnt even look like the next up is coming in the near future.

theory
cca
sch commitements
studies
not wanting to live a wasted life like in RI
piano
adjusting and adapting
waitin for my own life to get on track.

...

well sometimes , do u just feel like ur gettin used by people around u?
and msn is truely a marvellous gimick as u can totally hide ur true emotions as to wat ur saying and now i just have a serious love-hate relationship with it. cause u can so totally be used by others on msn, placing ur trust in those u noe, yet somehow reality just doesnt seem to reflect what they really are.

well sometimes, do u oso just feel that ur so stupid that u shud just dig a hole and hide ur head in e ground, hopin on one will recognize u forever and ever? it's just how im feeling rite now.

and well sometimes, it does feel good to inflate ur ego bubble and hope it doesnt burst but imagine when u dun even inflate it and somehow when ur not feeling too good, ur bubble just seems to lose its air and shrink and just vanish before it gets trampled on by millions of others?

basically, this is how a train of emotions rain through me today, knocking me over and making it almost impossible for me to do anything. i just suddenly feel like an idiot. i feel totally stupid!

and somehow, maybe i should just shut up, fade out and hide in the background and do whatever is the most normal. like that no problems will come my way at all, and mayb that way, i hope, i can just get past unscathed, and just let life pass me normally.

sigh life does suck at times. and to those who beg to differ, flip through ur life history book and take a peek at e times when ur feeling like me now, and ponder to urself, is life fun? (not that im sayin to go die la! -.-) but well, it sure is hard to go by!

emo out.